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Initially, I tried to find a solution that would come from some sort of mental enlightenment – a ‘eureka’ moment that would instantly solve all my problems and make everything all right – I read countless books (self help, classic fiction, philosophy) in the hope that somewhere would be the key.
It should suffice to say that nowhere did I find such a solution, and I am certain now that it doesn’t exist outside of the realms of hope.
Before each anxiety attack fully manifested itself (when I could tell it was coming e.g. by finishing my shopping and going to a checkout)) I tried countless things to control it – breathe deeply, count to ten, think happy thoughts, do mental sums, pretend nothing is wrong, use a tissue to wipe my nose in an attempt to hide the blushing, feign temporary sickness.
Again, none of these things really worked unless I was feeling really optimistic about them (then they would cease to be effective after my optimism waned). They are avoiding the real issue of my fear.
One thing did seem to work (sometimes).
This was saying ‘to hell with it’ to my fear and to caring what people think and just letting the blush wash over me. Don’t pretend you’re not embarrassed, don’t pretend you don’t feel humiliated, don't think happy thoughts, don't try and hide the blushing/shaking/sweating/whatever.
This is obviously easier said than done, but in time it allows you some control over your affliction and decreases the intensity and frequency of the anxiety attack.
Results
I came to the point where I thought that living seven years of my life, every day worrying about what others thought of me and every day feeling humiliated and embarrassed for no good reason, and not doing what I wanted to do because of this embarrassment, was not a good way to live.
No matter how much I read or held my breath or pretended nothing was wrong, I would still stop myself from doing what I wanted to do.
Since, in those seven years, nothing had changed for the better, I decided there must be something wrong with my routine.
I had spent the best part of two years trying to solve my problems slowly, through the methodical, trial-and-error evaluation of my problems. This amounted to nothing except a small reduction in certain trigger situations, which were offset by an increasing amount in other areas.
The most productive step I took was taking a break from work, social obligations, non-understanding associates and, most importantly, my esteem-battering routine.
I went on a vacation for three weeks by myself to a country where I know not a bit of the language. There I was forced to shop, to argue, to be on my own, to eat on my own, to truly be a fool - irritating people by not knowing what they are saying or how to get my point across.
There, people probably said things which I would normally find humiliating, but I didn’t understand them so it wasn’t a problem.
Because I didn’t know anyone, I felt less inhibited to talk to strangers if I heard they spoke English, something which I never expected to be able to do.
My trip allowed me to see, due to my vision not being constantly clouded by thoughts of blushing, that not many people are out to humiliate others. I took this lesson home with me.
Upon my return six months ago, I have had none (I have blushed a couple of times but this is not the same as an anxiety attack).
I know that reading through this site you probably expected me to reveal some miracle cure that requires minimal effort, but you probably know as well as I do that such a thing doesn’t exist.
To get rid of social phobia requires a lot of effort.
This website only documents my history of the disorder.
How you choose to help yourself is entirely up to you.
See here for a summary of tips that may help you in your recovery